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It's often said that Phuket is overrated. Too many people, too many scooters, too many people selling glow-in-the-dark bracelets, too much noise, too many Russians in flip-flops (or too many French people moaning about Russians in flip-flops, which amounts to the same thing). In short, too much too soon.
But in reality, Phuket is a well-crafted illusion. An island full of secret nooks and crannies, beaches hidden away like video game extras, accessible only after winding turns, improbable staircases, or a chat with a tuk-tuk driver who knows someone who knows someone. And believe me: you never forget these beaches. Because they don't shout. They whisper.
Naithon Beach: fine sand for insiders
Let's start with Naithon Beach, because this beach deserves a standing ovation in religious silence. Located in the north-west of the island, just below the airport, Naithon is the beach of choice for those who don't like crowded beaches. Those looking for peace and quiet, natural beauty and the chance to take a siesta without being grazed by a selfie pole.
The first time I went there, it was on a whim: "Hey, why don't we go where nobody goes? The result: a tree-lined road, a gentle slope, and then suddenly this dreamlike vision - an immense cove, lined with coconut palms, with a sea as smooth as a well-peeled mango. No jet skis, no music, just the lapping and thumping of your flip-flops in the sand.
The locals come here to walk in the morning, the dogs sleep in the shade of the filaos, and sometimes a juice vendor comes by, singing softly. I ordered a coconut and he told me he used to be a cabaret dancer in Patong. I believed him, because he cut the fruit with a grace that was frankly suspicious.
And then there's the water. Clear, warm, welcoming, with just the right amount of ripple so that you can gently lose yourself in it without panicking. I floated there one morning, alone, watching the sky change colour. That's when I realised that absolute luxury isn't a resort with an infinity pool... but a moment like that, with no one there to watch you exist.
And then I came home and enjoyed the incredible Pullman Arcadia nearby. A truly timeless stay.
Ao Sane Beach: the jewel hidden beneath the jungle
Do you want a secret-secret beach? A cove you reach by driving down a road that looks like the entrance to a B-movie car park? Welcome to Ao Sane, my favourite place to play Robinson Crusoe (but with Wi-Fi).
Situated very close to Nai Harn, Ao Sane isn't even indicated on any GPS. You have to drive through a resort (Nai Harn, in fact), down a concrete mini-road, along a fence, avoid two sleeping dogs, and BAM - the jungle opens onto a tiny beach, hemmed in by rocks and crystal-clear waters.
This is not a smooth postcard beach. This is a raw, rough, real beach. Corals, rocks, fish visible to the naked eye. The kind of place where you dive with a mask you bought for 4 baht at the market, and you swim with butterfly fish as if you were in the water. Finding Nemo. Except here, there's a little restaurant tucked away in the trees serving a crab curry that could bring tears of gratitude to your eyes.
One morning, I forgot the time. Literally. I had an iced coffee on a floating log, watched the crabs climb the rocks, and forgot that I was a grown-up with a full mailbox. Ao Sane takes away your stress like sand between your toes. Gently.
Laem Singh: the pirate beach with a troubled past
A little further north, between Kamala and Surin, lies Laem Singh, Phuket's most 'forbidden but not too forbidden' beach. Officially closed a few years ago following a dark land dispute (yes, it's sexy), it remains accessible to those who aren't afraid to walk down, discreetly, smiling at the guard as if nothing had happened. And believe me: it's worth the descent. It's a perfect little cove, lined with rocks, with crystal-clear water and an atmosphere of James Bond on holiday. You lay your towel on the golden sand, hear the leaves rustling in the wind, and feel as if you've discovered a treasure. (And it's not just a feeling.). There's no commerce here, no music, just silence, the waves and the distinct feeling that you're doing something a little forbidden, and therefore inevitably delicious. One day, a guy came out of the bushes with a cool box and offered me an ice-cold beer. I said yes. It was the perfect temperature. I've believed in magic ever since.
Bonus: Banana Beach, the aptly named
Some names sound like promises. And Banana Beach is one of them. Not only because it conjures up images of fruity cocktails, badly ironed Hawaiian shirts and holidays where no one looks at the clock, but also because this beach, to the north of Naithon.., bears its name like a caress to the brain. To get there, you have to want it. A narrow path winds its way through vegetation that tells you to "hush" at every step. You pass under vines, between twisted trunks, you hear the cicadas howling their passion for the sun, and then suddenly, between two rocks: the sea. The beach. The slap.
Banana Beach is beauty without fuss. A discreet cove, lined with palm trees that slope as if reaching out to help you take a siesta. The sand is almost indecently fine. it looks like icing sugar from the sky. As for the water... oh, that water. An almost unreal light green, somewhere between jade, lemonade and daydreams. When you dive in, you disappear like a good worry at the bottom of a mojito.
What makes the place even more magical is that its unspoilt atmosphere. No commercial parasols, no gaudy eyewear salesmen, just the sea, the sand, the wind, and that rare feeling of being exactly where you were meant to be. There's no partying here. No scrolling. We we breathe, we float, we live.
The real Phuket is the one behind the scenes
You think you know Phuket. You think it's Patong, with its sticky clubs, traffic jams and fluorescent shorts. You're not entirely wrong. But behind the curtain of smoke, there are beaches like childhood secrets. Coves where you can hear your own breath, waters so clear you can see deep inside yourself, wandering dogs that show you the way like spiritual guides. If you take the time, if you look behind the hills, you'll see that Phuket has a soul. A little dented, a little hidden, but incredibly precious. And when you put your towel down on one of these forgotten beaches, far from the crowds, you'll understand: paradise isn't a place... it's a moment when you no longer need to speak.
Find out more about Thailand with our mini-guide to Bangkokmy article on Pattaya or Chiang Mai. And lots of great hotel deals to make the most of it, with the magnificent establishments of the 137 Pillars or the very authentic Pullman Arcadia.
